(Hand written on October 3, 2018)
At war with myself
War goes on inside my head
Fight to keep homeostasis
Body veers back and forth
Like an ocean tide coming in and out
Only it does not happen that fast
I can stay on the shore
Picking mussels forever
Because
My tide can take months to come in
I hide with a pen when it comes
The pen is God’s sword
That keeps me alive
When waves crash against me
It hurts my mind
Physically hitting my body
Wish I knew the clock
Works on Dene time
Most days
Fail to see the time run out
Hide away
Where I am not present
I become a gift to myself
Getting stuck inside
Brain racing to catch up
With all my thoughts
Snow flurry of activity
Like that on the tube of an old T.V.
Constant moving of hands
Like a French man
Feet catching fire
Worry of what is done
Like when you drive somewhere
Wondering how you got there
I rarely drive these days
People say, “It’s Mom Brain”
My brain worked this way
Before I was a Mom
So, it is “Me-Brain”
I am just figuring out
How to be a Mom
To get life done
